Written 1-7-03 to 6-5-03
by: David Rich
|Of course every situation is different,
and we do not claim to be such fountains of wisdom that we can write
a blanket solution for all couple issues here on this web page.
That said, if you are in need of this sort of help in your relationship,
you have most likely failed many different approaches, and it is now
going to take skilled assistance to guide you to a better understanding
and practice, until it becomes habit. The right habits.
solutions to this take time, patience, and perseverance, but what will you have 10 years later if you do not begin in the right direction? We know it is very hard to admit things are not working, and seek help with something so personal. It is hard to find help that you can openly discuss anything, since most people feel they have a unique situation and such skeletons in the closet, that they could never share them with a counselor. They cannot help you unless you are able to be completely frank with them, and your mate. You cannot develop a healthy and thriving relationship founded on lies and deception. You most likely have already formed a good deal of distance and resentment between the two of you from years of non-disclosure, for fear of what their reaction will be. Do you believe that beginning to be attentive and a few dozen roses will dissolve years of growing distance?
Many feel it just easier to start all over with a new person and a clean slate, but what will ever really change? Are you going to come clean about all of your sordid past deeds and fantasies with this new person in the first week with them? You are likely going to wait until the right time to drop this all on them and continue to live the ruse in the mean while. It is not likely to become the right time after fostering such deception for so long. You only delude yourself in thinking it might get easier. If you are not able to be straight with them at the beginning, where is this clean slate you fantasize about?
Yes, there are plenty of relationships that are not in a situation where resolving these issues is a viable option. This is where an impartial person can help you decide to make the split and move on with your life and growth. Instead of continuing this unbearable pain in your lives. What example are you going to teaching your children for their future happiness by continuing a horrible situation for their sake? Do you want to teach them that they need to stick it out for their kids, no matter how miserable they are? Are you going to teach them how to develop the skills to build a good healthy relationship, to some day teach to their children, your grandchildren? The bad cycle may need to stop with you, now.
If you are capable of resolving these issues, if not for yourself, don't you owe it to your children, or future children to show them there is hope even for a relationship gone bad? If you are to split up after the kids are out of the house, you have just destroyed their reality. All they will know is that their life was a sham. They will no longer know what is real and false. They will have no basis for what to expect in a relationship, other than pain and suffering to foster a home of lies and deceit.
We feel there is hope in most relationships, if there is willingness on both parties. It will take most all the courage you have to suffer the fall-out and get through healing process. If not, what are your options? Do you have any idea what the benefits of a true loving relationship can be yours to experience, or do you think there is no such creature? We are here to tell you that it does and can exist, but it is not something that there is a quick fix, when you consider the habits and structured ideals you have had in place fir decades, if not generations. On a more global view, our society may need a millennia to evolve. It all starts with your first step forward.
This web site is to promote relationships, not to give up all hope and abandon it for futility. As a society, we all need to develop some good relationship skills and skills in cohesive effective conflict resolution. We would love to see comprehensive mandatory courses given in Public Schools. If we could all learn how to love, long before subjecting our children to our trial and error method of learning, maybe our people would develop into a more loving society and we could all get along better.
As I said, this can only start with each one of us personally.
Some things to consider:
Our text here may have shaken you up and perhaps disrupted your life, but we wish you well where ever your path takes you. We do not know you, and in that cannot possibly pass judgment. this is just meant to give you food for thought, and hopefully benefit your long term future.
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