The Art of Open Sensuality Page #25

Oral Sex

We know it really sucks to have to dwell on the issue of safe sex. Even though most people in the lifestyle seem to believe that oral sex is harmless, and promote this idea strongly, this is simply not true. We agree that the use of condoms, dental damns, and gloves is so complicated that it makes you feel like; why bother? How crappy is it to have to talk about safe sex issues with new potential playmates. Shit, what a mood killer!

But if you decide to graduate to oral sex with relative strangers, even if it is perhaps less risky than with intercourse, there is still some degree of risk for sexually transmitted diseases. Otherwise, the Medical community would not push the use of dental damns, condoms, and even latex gloves for use while participating in oral sex.

If you go to a swingers club it is much more of an issue, since there is a lot of peer pressure not to use any protection for oral sex. Just to kiss a person you meet there means you might as well have had your mouth on the last person they just went down on. It is not uncommon for a couple to have gotten lucky with several other couples that night before they connected with you.

There is still the need to be carefully selective with whom you decide to play with. Not only to clearly set your personal boundaries before getting started, but to be with those you can trust to respect your wishes. Before things get heated. It is much harder to say 'slow down' or 'stop' once you are naked, all wound up, and they ask sweetly if they can go down on you. Or more commonly; just start doing it. Often times they will not stop to ask. Too many times this will be the way you will find yourselves giving in and doing things you had not planned to do. And most usually unprotected all together.

This has happened to us a several times, and a few times we did not have the reserve to say stop! Each of those times, things did not pan out with those people, and we felt we should have not gone that far with them. There have even been times where we clearly stated how our boundaries with strangers are to be 'short of oral', but less than 15 minutes into it there is unprotected oral action on us? I would love to say we have learned our lesson, but that is why we are so harsh here. Playing safe in the heat of the moment is a lot harder that you might think.

We would like to hope that our intuition is good enough to safe guard us from these kind of people who would not respect our boundaries, yet it is still taking a great chance. Caution is still wise, even if others think it is over the top. Several couples have tried to convince us that oral sex is perfectly safe, but the more research we have found simply does not support this myth. Few people we've met are willing to take the recommended precautions where it comes to oral sex, as it is hardly worth the trouble. But make no mistake about it, unprotected oral sex is still plenty dangerous. There are even some diseases you can get even while using barriers.

As an example; many couples will adamantly claim to be 'disease free'. Talk is cheap. Their statement could not hold any water. they are quick to make these claims, since they suffer no liability if they are wrong or lied. You have to ask the question: what hot sexy activity is really worth getting one of the less problematic diseases, let alone to have come down with one of the lethal un-treatable diseases? Where do you draw the line between being so paranoid that your don't interact at all with other couples, or just throw caution to the wind?

Even if this other couple were tested a week ago, AIDS and hepatitis can take a several months to show up in test results. In this lifestyle you need to resign yourself to the fact you are placing your life in their hands each time. Hepatitis is said to be 100 times more contagious than AIDS, and can kill you just the same by knocking out your liver. If sex with a condom will not protect you from Hepatitis or Herpes, why would people think that they can have unprotected oral sex and still be perfectly safe?

Just how common is gingivitis (bleeding gums) amongst our society? Have you never felt teeth scrape the flesh of your penis? You will find most people in the lifestyle think oral sex is perfectly safe, and are quick to go into unprotected oral sex with people they just met. It is hard to convince them otherwise. If you do not establish clear boundaries before hand, it is very hard to say 'stop' in the heat of the moment, after they asked if they can go down on you and just start doing it before you have a chance to answer.

Many will even suggest that: "this lifestyle is where you have to accept some calculated risks. No more foolish than skydiving or bungee jumping". But would you consider going skydiving without a spare shoot, or bungee jumping with out the normal safety precautions? What is that kind of statement suppose to mean exactly? Realize this is just slick double talk. We are not trying to say these are evil people, who are out to hurt you, but they had heard it from others many times before, and they clearly have an agenda. Without having thought it through or put forth the effort to do the research, they most likely have made themselves believe it to be true.

We are not just trying to scare you off with all this talk of doom. We just hope that you will consider playing safely if you are going to be playing with strangers, and hopefully not further the spread of incurable diseases like the porn industry seems to promote and now suffers from.

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