The Art of Open Sensuality Page #24

Behavior During an Interaction

It is important that when you go into an intimate encounter with another couple that you both desire to be involved with them. Do not go into such interactions for your partners sake. This will not work out, as your disinterest will be felt by the others and the interaction will not be very rewarding for any one, unless they are people who simply do not give a shit. This is probably one of the most important reasons not to play on the first date, as there is so much pressure to play around for your partner’s sake, or not know what your partners desires are. Wouldn't that be the pits if later you were to find out that they did not want to go there, but thought your did, so the also 'took on for the team'?

You may think you are giving your partner this great gift, but in the long run it is not such a treasure, since you both were not having as enjoyable a time (if your mate cares about you at all), and the other people will not feel it was good for them as well, since your heart was not into it. I would hope they would never want to be just a 'mercy fuck', any more than you would?

Also, if you are new to this, try to establish (if you can), the parameters and hopes for such encounters. To just have this 'more experienced' couple call the shots, to show you the ropes, is not often wise, as you are likely to be getting into a lot more than you are ready for. Be assertive and stick up for your ideals of how far you are willing to go. Calling yourself a Soft-swinger does not mean that you are automatically cool with oral sex with people you just met. It does not even mean that you are willing to be touched. If you are only ready to hot tub and maybe exchange foot massages, that should be fine. The people you meet are not likely to be qualified teachers. They are just as fallible as you, and may not know what is best for themselves, let alone what is right for you at this point in your life. Don't place people on a pedestal. Not even the two of us. We may be good at talking these ideals, but we still struggle with them just the same.

Also, in an interaction, it is very common for men to have difficulty maintaining an erection. There is nothing to feel bad about, as there are such the distractions around you. Your mate may approach you and ask if it is her causing the problem, that she is not able to excite you enough? Reassure her that she is not the problem. In our case, I have little difficulty getting and keeping an erection for hours at a time while alone with her (that is part of the magic we share as Soulmates), but around others, I seem to not be a fourth as virile. I simply explained to her, if it were reversed, I could see a major problem here, but it has nothing to do with her, and we are very fortunate our passions are what they are for each other, and not the other way around. I do not feel I have to perform and put on a show for the other couple, so I do not stress it. I just try to relax and have a pleasant time.

If you found this web page through a search engine and would like to read from the beginning,
click on the picture below