The Art of Open Sensuality Page #21

What Kind of Couples are We Likely to Encounter?

To make a connection with another worthwhile couple will take a good deal of investment through a great deal of time, effort, and careful communication. The easy part is to blow them off when things get difficult. It is far trickier to go the distance and make a connection happen, let alone last. A lasting relationship should fruit you having some sexciting fun with them again and again, but this is more the rarity.

Unless both men are very virile pile drivers (very rare); another common issue is stamina that you will run into is male performance. This is not an issue you will hear much about in the lifestyle, but it is a very common issue. Whether or not you can perform, you will have little to no control with the other male being too small or not able to perform. They are not likely to share this info with you before the clothes are off. Even then they may lie about it. Without the little blue pill many men will find it hard to get erect because of nervousness, the unfamiliar situation, worries, and visual distractions. Very few men could be a porn star.

Many encounters will end abruptly after the real fun begins. If you can get past this hurdle, there is the common issue of premature ejaculation, leading again to a lack of erection. You may be waiting to see that your wife is getting into it, and then find out it is over before you had a chance to get your condom on (no joke). In many encounter you will find that your only option is to be a 'Softswinger'.

Most couples you will encounter will seem very nice, and not too pushy. They know that as soon as they are seen as too pushy, they will have fail with you, so they usually learn this part quickly. Besides simple common sense, it doesn't take much to see what doesn't work, and not repeat those same mistakes. There is a certain amount of assertiveness it takes to actually get something to happen. It is much like dating as a single, if it seems that you are too desperate, it is likely to be a big turn off. There is a fine art to working a balance of being 'Laid Back' and 'Clearly Interested'. This does not mean being too difficult or hard to get. From what we have seen, that sort of tactic will fruit you nothing. Many couples you meet are bound to have a rather short attention span, since there are several other couples they are probably chatting up at the same time.

On-line connections in special target groups, like our Yahoo Group is a good ways to jump right into the meat of the conversation, and sidestep a lot of the mating dance, since you all know why you are there chatting. In these target groups, you will already know that they are open to some sort of personal interaction along these lines. The ice has already been broken, so to speak. It is not like walking through a local mall and seeing a couple you find attractive, but have no clue as to how you could ever approach them for this type of interaction. With this, feel free to cut right to the chase and be real and direct.

With any sort of swinging, there is a good chance that the primary focus is on a physical attraction, as opposed to your quality of character, ethics, or personality. They may not be looking to add you to their life long relationship. It is more a Poly-fidelitous viewpoint where a long term relationship is the focus. This may seem vain and shallow, but there is not much more to this type of encounter than attraction, initially. They may be selective enough to choose only couples they get along with, and may even want to develop some level of friendship, but they are likely to prize their private lives, (without you). Keeping their primary focus on their marriage, family, and work.

This is why seeking secure couples is such a bonus, as when you are not so actively engaging them, they have a life of their own! If you fit in this type of lifestyle, you too may find yourselves much this way. Again, this may seems shallow, but until you decide to take it further with a very special couple, this is only a form of light safer intimate play. There is no need to have such rigid criteria as you would have for choosing your life-mate.

As to exclusivity with a couple you may decide to play intimately with, in this lifestyle you are developing an ability to share your mate with others, why would you then get possessive over a couple you become intimate with. Be happy for them when they find other good intimate playmates. Again, this is an expression of real love, and not selfish possessiveness.

This attitude may also benefit you in that with repeat encounters with a couple, when the lines of communications are open, they are a lot more likely to inform you of what type of other couples they have been with and what they have been doing with them. With this information you will have a much better chance to make an informed choice of whether to continue to be intimate with them. This will be some of the most important decisions you will be making in this lifestyle. As an example: they may have decided to start having unprotected sex with those other people. If the intimacy between them and you involves an exchange of bodily fluids (even fingering), this could be very dangerous. Do not close that door to communication with jealousy or intolerance.