The Art of Open Sensuality Page #16

What preparation are needed

Your Profile:
One good way is to starts with your Yahoo profile page on the Internet. We are fortunate to have this type of on-line community at our disposal. We see that many people do not take the time to submit a picture. Heck, many of them do not even bother to fill it out. Shit, half of them have no information at all. No reason to contact them. It will certainly keep couples from wanting to initially contact them. Many of the people you contact over IM will first look at your profile before starting to chat, and if it does not say much, it is an immediate turn off!

Please take the time to fill out all the information it asks for, and post a clear picture of the two of you together. A simple head shot is best. You need not post any nude shots. There is plenty of time to exchange those kind of picture after you have begun a dialog. It will also save you a great deal of embarrassment if your profile is found by an associate of your that did not know of your kinky side. You really do not need to spell out on your profile what type of hot action you are seeking. When the right type of people have come across your profile from a Yahoo group that is a part of this life style, they already have an idea what you are into. You can get into all the details as you get to know each other.

If you are members of our Yahoo Club, and this information is not filled in, we will not approve your membership, or remove you from our roster. If we have to remove you twice, we will ban you, and you will not be able to rejoin under that handle again. We intend to keep this free of singles, since to remain within your set boundaries, doing this with something other than a close and loving couple like you, places you at risk.

If you are not within a reasonable driving distance from a couple you are approaching, you need to be willing and able to travel to there home or City to meet with them. When you are the one to contact another couple, you are not to assume that they are going to be willing to travel to see you. This places you at the disadvantage, and it would be rude to even ask for them to drive far to see you.

The Search:
Find on-line Groups that cater to your needs and desires. There are thousands of clubs out there with a variety of topics. Once you have selected a group, scan through the listings of profiles of the membership base in that group for people you may like to contact. You will not get far if you wait for other couples to search you out. Be sure to have downloaded the Yahoo messenger program and install it. If you don't, they may respond to you, but you will not receive their message. It would seem as though you are ignoring them.

Post messages to that group, so people get to know what you are all about. Placing a personal ad is fine, but not nearly as classy as just getting involved in the threads of topics that come up. Respond to each e-mail and messages you receive from couples in a timely manner. If you blow off a couple you don't think you are interested in, they may be friends with other couples that you may be interested in, and you would have generated a bad reputation amongst these people in that group.

Besides the temporary glitches in Yahoo's system, Yahoo is great for having set all this up for us to use, and they went to a lot of trouble to make it easy to use.

Your Pics:
You really should have some good clear digital photos on the profile, or at least have them ready to send them out over the Net, once you have established that this is a couple you may want to meet. Don't approach people before you are prepared. They need not be nude pics. It is a bit suspicious if a couple were to demands to see you nude before even meeting. You may find that you are just chatting with some single dude that is just scoring amateur pics, and knows very well that you will never meet. There are whole Yahoo groups out there with the theme of finding amateur porn in people's Yahoo profiles, with 50,000+ members. No joke!

A nice clear head shot of the two of you posted on the profile is highly recommended. Going to have your picture taken by a professional is a very good investment. It need not be too fancy of a photo shoot. Just try the Glamour Shots at your local mall, and scan in the small proofs. Then, set up a briefcase off of your profile page to store more digital photos of you in the full body shots. This is still not the right place for nude pictures either, even if you are willing to show them to these strangers. You can set up a private folder for these if you wish, where you have to give access to only those you want to see them.

First Contact:
Send a short message to the couples that seem to interest you, and wait for their response. This may take a while, since they may not be on-line at that time, and even if it shows them to be on-line, they may have DSL or a cable modem that it logged on all the time, and they may not be sitting right there at their desk. It could be days, even months before they open there Yahoo Messenger program and get back to you.

If you expect other couples to just come out of the woodwork and contact you, you would have to post some very hot or graphic pictures, and a tantilizing bio. But you will have to sort them out of the 10 to 20 lonely single men to each couple that may contact you. It will get very annoying quite fast. We speak from experience here. We tend to get over a hundred IMs each month from single dudes trying to get in her panties. It is far too over whelming to sort through and focus on even one of them. No one has the time to chat up all the guys out there that you are likely to encounter. You would do well to have a shortcut on your desktop to bring up a text file that has common responses, so you can give a canned reply to these ravenous guys. It will save you a lot of time. Or of course you can just ignore them, but they may come back over and over again, seeking you out. They are a determined bunch. It is especially annoying when they do not have the decency to fill out their Yahoo profile. They often will not even take the time to read your profile before contacting you?

Getting to Know a Couple:
While chatting with a desirable couple over the Internet, it is most beneficial to only do it with your mate present as a cohesive team. Both should take the initiative to communicate with this other couple. You will find it rare that the wife is active in this communication. This is somewhat suspect, and should be approached with caution. If your primary partner cannot be there and follow along, save the chats to show them later, and make sure they read them. It is important to be on the same page every step of the way, so that they understand how things had progressed where it has. It is bad to make the other couple have to repeat themselves later on with your partner. If their partner was not able to be present during the chat, you would do well to remind them to save their chats off as well.

Work towards developing the comfort to graduate the conversations to a phone call. This will usually be the next step before meeting. Try to set up a speakerphone, or two phones in a private area. This way the two of you can chat with this other couple rather candidly. If you are unable to flirt with them over the Net or on the phone, a meeting may be a waste of time, as the conversation may be somewhat stifled. Heavy flirting will be a good sign that you might be ready to meet face to face. You will need to establish that there is a real attraction to this other couple, and that you intend it to go further with them. If not, breaking the ice may be very difficult, and little may happen between the four of you. The Net is a good environment to flirt with some abandon, while keeping it pretty anonymous, that is just in case things don't work out.

If you can imagine in your mind, you start a connection with a couple whom you find that you are not compatible with (much like an Ex-spouse of yours), you may be in a position where you feel obligated to play with them in ways you would rather not. So use this time to establish whether your personalities are compatible. It is not going to be a good scene if you are with them in a very private setting, and you then discover that they are not a match. Don't rush the process. There is already a high chance that they will seem quite different than you had imagined, when you finally meet them in person. Do every thing you can to sniff this out.

It may seem like dating all over again, because it is. This dating will be much more complicated now, since all four of you need to have some attraction to each other, not to mention being able to get along. If you do not establish a friendship with the other couple, you are not likely to weather even the mildest of storms, and it is very likely to be a short lived relationship. That is a lot of effort down the tubes for so little 'action', but try to enjoy the process, or you will most likely burn out soon.

That is unless you are the "fuck'n-run type"? If you are the one-night-stand type of people, why are you in a long term relationship? We feel there is little to gain by playing with couples that we do not care for. Intimacy is a more sacred thing for us, but it is of course your choice. If you do not go too far with those you encounter, you have less to regret later when things don't work out.

Meeting them:
Set up a meeting at a very public place like dinner, dancing, a movie, etc. You should not set out to play on the first date. It is important to have some space from the pressure of the meeting, to talk it over with your primary mate in private, well after meeting them. It is so that both of you have a chance to be on the same page. It is very important that you both like the other couple. It also lets the other couple do the same. You should not take offense if the other couple has a change of heart about you, and bails on continuing this tryst. It would not be good to force some play that is destined to go bad.

When arranging a sensual encounter, try to set up your expectations and boundaries with this couple clearly beforehand. Most any couple you meet will seem to be very understanding and patient with your comfort level and boundaries, but expect that in the heat of the moment that they may test your boundaries. Especially when they are much more experienced than you, they will happily abide what you set as your boundaries, but they know in the moment it is hard to find your voice and say that you are not cool with where things are going. In ten short minutes you can suddenly find that you are now full-swingers, and it may take you a year of therapy to work it out with your mate, that is if your relationship survives it at all.

It is wise to adhere to the comfort level of the person with the most reservations to avoid later fall-out. This way, all needs are respected and cared for. Pay special care that not even subtle intimidations are perceived by your mate, or the other couple. For you will pay heavily for it later. We understand the temptation to just go for it, but looking toward the long-term success of your friendship is important, and the relationship of your primary partner is to be paramount. Take it easy, so if there are any regrets, it is a lot easier to forgive what happened if you did not take things so far. I cannot hardly stress this enough. You are handling a time bomb in some regards. That is unless you are a super intelligent human like the master mind for Mission Impossible, who can predict any possible outcome from your actions.

When getting intimate, start off with simple things, like hot tubing together in the nude. In later encounters you might try out just same room sex. If you are both wanting to go into contact soft-swinging with this couple, simply taking turns getting a body rub down from the other three can be quite stimulating and erotic, while keeping it low pressure and somewhat casual. Then perhaps ending that evening with the same room sex after you are all worked up.

While oral sex is very exciting and rewarding, do keep in mind that oral sex is not risk free. It is wise to only go into oral sex with another couple only after you have gotten to know them very well and developed a level of trust. But you will find that other couples will go down on you at the drop of a hat during your very first encounter, without the slightest thought to safety barriers, as though it is completely risk free. They may even try to convince you of this. It has happened to us. Do not kid yourself about oral sex equals safe sex. Hepatitis is a deadly disease that you can contract from just french-kissing. Would you know if they have gingivitis? You are not even suppose to share tooth brushes for safe health.

If you decide to go into oral sex with a special couple, you may even want to make a pact with them to only engage in oral sex between the four of you to reduce these risks? And that if any of you do explore oral sex with outside couples, to tell about it before being that intimate with them again. This way you all have the chance to choose if you want to risk it again. Good honest communication is essential to this working out, as well as staying alive and safe. We wish things were different, but wishing or ignorance will not change the facts of life. Here are just a few links to STD web sites: www.herpes.org, www.afraidtoask.com/STD/, depts.washington.edu/wswstd/,

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