The Art of Opening Sensuality Page #14

What Are Some Advantages To This Alternative Open Relationship Lifestyle?

Many couples consider this alternative lifestyle to allow the wife to explore her desire to be intimate with other women. Although, if you are feeling pushed into this by your husband, this is likely not for the right reasons, and is very likely to go badly all around. If he truly loves you and derives joy in your happiness and fulfillment, his getting a piece of stranger ass should not be relevant at all. We have seen this misconception far to frequently (see: The Fantasy of Finding that Single Bi-Female for more details). A healthy balance is best to try and achieve. If your husband admits that he is not ready to see you with another man, you two are most likely not ready for any of this.

Your choice to participate in soft sensual play should:

(a) bring great excitement into your sex life of course (think of more than just the sexual acts alone).
(b) increase your attraction to your mate. Perhaps by seeing them through the eyes of another. Also it is known to be incredibly attractive to see your mate happy and fulfilled. This brings a radiant glow to their countenance.
(c) challenge the two of you in ways you would not have thought of. This making your bond stronger (assuming your relationship survives these challenges).
(d) remind you of the foreplay that may have been lacking in your relationship. Since foreplay is all there is to "contact soft-swinging", there will be a lot of renewed focus on what foreplay is for the two of you.
(e) not risk shortening your life, or sex life for that matter, since intimate play short of intercourse has less health risks involved.
(f) There should not be the need to explain an unexpected pregnancy.

If you find that these interactions are not enhancing your relationship, but instead seems to brings more stress than joy, you two will need to take some time off from seeking outside interactions, or at least adjust how far you will go with other people, and or be more selective whom you interact with. Always respect your mates comfort level. But just as importantly; your comfort level needs recognition as well, or this will not work out for the better.

Any relationship has pretty much only two options to it's future: other than continued stagnation, you can either grow closer through a greater understanding of your mates most intimate thoughts, or you can cut your losses and end this hopeless situation. If you find that the two of you may be at risk of cheating on each other, bringing this together is certainly the wiser option. You have nothing to loose, if cheating is already in the picture, so you would be a fool not to suggest this as an option to the lies and secrets. The sooner you deal with this the better. If you are up for the challenge, it can possibly bring the two of you closer, after having worked through these difficult issues, big and small.

If it does not seem to add to the love of your mate, you have a lot of talking to do, in order to find out what the issues that had piled up over time are, and take the time to rectify these. Even if that means to discontinue any interaction with others until you both want this in your life for the right reasons. That should be perfectly OK. It may take a great deal of time, but don't be so impatient and take what ever time is needed to fully get through this and get in a good space with your mate. For if you don't, things are likely to get worse and possible cause such irreparable damage that your relationship is doomed.

But mind you, this is not likely to be an easy road to travel. If you hope to rescue your marriage, it may be the only way, since continuing with your head in the sand is not a healthy condition. If children are in the picture, what would you be teaching them?
(a) That they need to stay in a bad relationship for the kids sake, no matter how miserable they may be?
(b) That your relationship was only an illusion, and they really had no role model to work off for their future relationships?

We know that the idea of telling them about what you are into is a scary proposition to say the least, and we always need to be mindful of what is age appropriate. We should never suggest that this is the only correct option for relationships of the future, but it is healthy to let them know what kind of options are out there, or real issues that they may face with all the information that is available these days, such as open relationships and bi-sexuality. we can all stick our heads in the sand, but that will not help them face their future, when you may have valuable information to share.