"The Art of Open Sensuality"

A modern guide to careful
exploration of One's expanding
sexuality and sensuality
page #8 of 30

Written by: David & Tia
from October 2000 to February 2005

Communication, Communication, Communication

The communication of your feelings about this often starts with outer influences like the media and books.  As previously mentioned many authors have written fictional books about a future with less social constraints on relationships.  Often showing a society that is able to love one another with less and sometimes no possessiveness and jealousy.

You may spin fantasies along these lines during sex with your mate.  Finding out what seems to excite your partner in this safe environment.  To express your fantasies and fetishes helps to find out how these new ideas may feel to the two of you.

Coupled with constant communication to re-evaluate where you both are with all this, you can also benefit from reaching a better understanding the two of you have for each other.  And in turn, develop a deeper love and appreciation for one another, as real human beings. As well as being more comfortable in your own skin, knowing you are not so alone in your fantasies.  Try to keep in mind that your primary bond is paramount, no matter what happens.  A true friendship like that is not easily replaced and nurtured.  Cherish what you already have together.

Also, try not to condemn your partner for having expressed a fetish you may find repulsive, or you will set a precedence of them knowing you are not open to their deepest thoughts. You would not want them to reject your ideas like that.  There will be a great fear of being rejected and intolerance will likely kill future honest communications.  Try to find it within yourself to embrace your partner’s fetishes.  If you are not able to tolerate their fetish, that may be all the more reason for them to need to seek out someone who can.  Don't make them need to seek this out behind your back.  Also, do not impose your fetishes on your mate, as though it were theirs (like the ever so common female/female fantasy).   Men should be able to understand better by thinking how you would feel if she strongly wanted to see you intimate with another man!

Good communication is a lot more than just being honest. It is a delicate matter to not shut your partner down. We all know life is not perfect, and we will be making mistakes.  Try to be aware of the cues when things go awry and work to get back on track.  Be forgiving of mistakes by your partner, your friends, and especially yourself as well.